Green Lantern Movie Costume How To Create Yours

Editing help with first few pages of my romance novel?
This bar was hell raised to Earth. Everything about the place left my heart pounding, as if someone was about to drag me into the darkness, slam me against the wall and tie me until I was powerless. I came here alone, but I felt certain I was being watched. The old booth I sat in was covered with rips and tears. Waves of cigarette smoke filled the stifling air. The walls were painted blood red, and on it hung many famous paintings. Millions of candles glowed, creating a romantic mood to the scene. Dust and cobwebs draped over the chandelier like a curtain. It was so eerie and dark in here. As I looked around, I met the monstrous gaze of sex-hungry men, whose eyes blazed through mine like fire in the dark. Outside, I saw flashes of lightning. Blackness stretched from the street to the hiding stars. It was stormy here in Seattle, and I loved it.
The reason I was here was to get away from my abusive boyfriend, but running from him will never make me free from his clutches. Suddenly, I met a pair of eyes from across the room. A young man was staring at me, pouring fear into my soul. He had a fragile, innocent appearance. Straight blond hair and intimate blue eyes. He wore ripped jeans and a black shirt. Beads of sweat trickled through my pores as a sexy smile broadened across his face. I watched him toy with his cigarette, his haunting eyes never leaving mine.
I was attracted to his boldness. The devil inside of me had awoken, it’s gleaming red eyes opening, long fingers stretching and ripping through my ribs, lighting the fire in my eyes, the hunger and passion. Inside of me, a massacre occurred, a war of good versus evil. The devil living inside of me began stabbing the angels in my heart, burning my morals and innocence to ashes. My heartbeat raced and my mind became a graveyard of shocking, sinful thoughts.
He put his cigarette out and began walking toward me. On both his arms were tattoos. I think one was a Cross, but it was too dark to be sure. My heartbeat intensified. It was the only noise I heard, thundering in my ears, pounding in my chest. I awkwardly rose from the booth I sat in.
His haunting eyes wandered over my body, narrowing in what seemed like hunger.
“You’re beautiful. Why are you alone?” he asked; his voice was seductive, relaxed, and every bit as intense as the way he gazed at me.
Flustered, I fumbled for words. I shook my head and stared at the ground.
“I’m not that beautiful,” I murmured, looking back at him.
His smile immediately vanished. “Yes, you are,” he leaned closer. “I wouldn’t lie.” I stepped back, but he urged forward. “I want to kiss you," He said softly. He lifted his hand to my face and caressed my cheek. His cold fingers traced over my trembling lips. His touch was tender, but the way he glared at me shook my bones and halted my heartbeat. Being this close to him, I noticed his flawless skin and bright, piercing eyes. His hand slid down my waist. I didn’t understand. He was so bold, so unafraid to touch me.
“You’re perfect for me. . . .” he whispered in my ear, leaning closer. I felt his hot breath against my neck and his fingers splayed across my waist. His touch wasn’t soft anymore. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pushed me into his hips, making sure my eyes were lost in his. His actions drove me to fear, but the look in his eyes kept me sane and curious.
I admired the attention he was giving me, but couldn’t understand it.
Suddenly, I snapped out of my trance. I shoved him off me and a chill speared through my body as I watched his eyes flash with disappointment. I tried to walk past him, but I had no grace. I lost my balance, stumbled and crashed to the floor. My long legs tangled together, and I felt pain lance in my knees. I felt his fingertips brush across my ribcage. Determined, I slithered away from him, my whole body rigid with instinctive rebellion.
“Don't you dare touch me. I'm fine." I snarled, my jaw line hard and resolute. His arms fell to his sides. Despite my bitterness, he walked toward me again, glaring at me with that demanding gaze of his.
“Don’t. . .” My resolve wavering, my voice quivered a bit. I couldn’t describe the feeling of vulnerability twisting my insides around so insidiously.
He hesitated. Then he noticed the expression of insecurity on my face, and he smiled serenely, making the decision to take advantage of that.
“I said don’t touch me,” I repeated.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and for a moment, he really sounded it. Then he muttered, “Relax,” placing his arms around my waist again, sinking his fingers in my skin, and I realized in actuality, he wasn’t sorry at all, but he was more careful. I noticed the deliberately slowed movement of his body. I looked at him differently, amazed, afraid, the sudden anger beginning to wane from my eyes.
My heartbeat fell faint. I finally relaxed.
EDITING SUGGESTIONS PLEASE.
I have an agent that requested the first
Answer
its soo fast moving.. slow it down. describe every little thing like the long legs thing.. that was good! how he touched her ribs.. umm maybe add. "he brushed my hair off my face as he leaned in to kiss me" thats a suggestion .. its very good though..make sure u try and make sure to let the reders know that she is backing away cuz she has been abused but she feels a little saafer with this guy.. good job!
B+
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